crazy thing is noone who really knows me would…..but…………….
funny thing 100% of the people who really know me wouldnt believe i even had feelings but yet this one..she knows so much its crazy
i do a lot of self reflection, in that self reflection i always end up noticing patterns in my life. today another pattern came perfectly apparent to me. i’m terrified of people being close to me. when they get too close i always find some way to fuck up the relationship. maybe theres something i dont want ppl to know about me so i kick em out of my life before i let them find it out. [if thats the case i havnt figured out what that thing is]. it sucks though cause its like my heart gets close to them but my mind doesnt like the closeness. so when i do the regular fuck up it ends up with me feeling like…….fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk ttttttttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt